At work the other week, we were asked to complete our
self-evaluations. I sat down to complete my evaluation and realized that I felt
like I was walking on a wire. On one side–the way I see myself. On the other
side–the way others see me. And although this wire may bisect these two sides,
I also realize that there is an intersection- and more likely, there are many
intersections- of where these two sides meet. My curiosity, however, lies
within the idea about which I often wonder– the juxtaposition between the
person we see ourselves as and the person others see us as. Why do many of us
see ourselves so differently than others see us?
To this, our lives are often woven with the threads and
materials of our liking. Within these threads, patterns materialize and our
stories are told. These patterns reveal kindness, mean streaks, creativity,
compassion, self-doubt, fearlessness, fearfulness- a tapestry of the soul. It
is our ‘self’ which emerges. Through this surfacing of self, we see others.
Others see us. We see us.
And yet, even when supplied with the proper material-
picking my own threads and weaving my own story- I have faced the reflection of
dressing my story incorrectly. Why does the pattern I see reveal a stubborn
heart, yet others see me as kind? Why does the pattern I see reveal a free
spirit, but to others see a Type-A personality?
I know why our patterns are different to our own eyes. It is
not because we see a different reflection. It is that we know ourselves best.
We examine these patterns closely. We have seen them at their best and have
worn them at their worst. I am sure we are our worst critics, but it is because
we have a day-by-day comparison of our best and worst versions. Other people
have a glancing overview of the life within-a glance into the house while the
curtains are open. It is we, the people on the inside, who know of the dust in
the corners, of the month old magazines on the table that haven’t been touched.
And this familiarity is what obstructs our view of who we truly are.
So next time someone mentions how motivated you are and the
pattern you see is procrastination, just remember- we all know the power of a
great outfit. I’m willing to try a few on. ;)
